Socialism is much like that camel that sticks it's nose in your tent,
If you don't give that camel a swift swap on the nose and chase it out,
The camel will move into the tent with you and proceed to trash it,
Forcing you to either live in squalor, flee, or violently throw the camel out,
First option means you surrender to being put upon in your own tent,
Second option means you have fled your own tent and hope the camel does not follow,
While the third option signals you accept responsibility for your previous foolish actions and now seek to fix things,
The moral of this little story is clear, choose wisely to stop foolishness early.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Monday, March 30, 2009
Stupid Socialist Solutions
For your amused edification dear readers, I shall present five, count them five, examples of why socialist regulations are mind-boggingly stupid. Unless you are living in these areas, then its not so funny. My suggestion, move.
First lets look at the state of California. It seems they are in a bind over energy supply. Well after Gray Davis put them through the ringer, its a surprise its not worse than it is. So the socialist mavens that infest Sacramento and certain coastal enclaves have hatched a new idea on stretching the power available and their solution is misleadingly labeled a 'smart' meter. This new meter monitors how much electricity a consumer uses like the old ones, but it has a new trick as it reports the useage to the power company or even the government. And those wonderful folks can decide if you are using too much electricty and shut you down. Obviously when they call it a smart meter, they mean it is smarter than the consumer since these folks do not believe the average consumer is smart enough to do such things as turn lights out when not in use.
Next on the list of real bone-headed ideas that accomplishes almost nothing comes from the Soviet Socialist Republic of Seattle. This past winter, it was literally worth your life to venture onto the streets of Seattle after it snowed. In order to protect the salt-water filled Puget Sound from contamination of more salt, Seattle did not lay down any salt when it snowed. So if a person wanted to drive on these icy streets, the trip could end in tragedy. As I said Puget Sound is already full of saltwater, what will a little more salt do? Give the Pacific Ocean high blood pressure?
Not wanting to rest on their laurels after conjuring up smart meters, those chaps in California hatched a new idea to save the environment. Extrapoliating from basic science that dark colours absorb more light, they have truly leapt over the couch and now find themselves tap-dancing above the shark to reach the conclusion that having a dark coloured car makes the air conditioner work harder and hence consume more petrol which means more pollution is released. So what is their solution? Well its not adivising owners of dark coloured cars to let the windows down for the first couple minutes so the hot air leaves. Oh no, they have got to have the $64,000 answer since they think they are so smart. They want to ban all dark coloured cars from being sold. For a money grubbing capitalist like all the hard hit car dealerships, there is an easy way around this regulation if it comes to pass. Just offer the buyer of that lime green Impala a discount on a paint job of their choice if they close the deal. Which will then cause those regulatory boffins to dispatch the police to arrest people. And by the time the regulators have chased all the paint shops over the state line, who knows how many millions of dollars will have been spent enforcing this boondoggle while killing viable businesses?
The next story, again from Seattle, reminded me of a passge from Mary Rodgers' charming novel Freaky Friday. Annabelle's father is an ad-exec and his agency had landed an account from a laundry detergent manufacturer to market a more environmentally friendly detergent. This detergent had no phosphates. To quote from the book: "no phosphates, low sudsing action, and, according to my mother, gray laundry." Seattle has been selected as the test subject for the outlawing of dishwasher detergents like Electrosol because they contain, wait for it, phosphates that are hazardous to the environment. What has happened instead of people being docile little drones, a black market has sprung up for phosphate laden dishwasher detergents. People are going to other states and bringing back the stuff, so now Seattle is pondering going after the smugglers.
But wait, the best is yet to come. Or the worse. It all depends upon location, are you the one getting screwed by the government or doing the screwing because you work for the government? I will give the moronic Democrats that infest the Congress a smidgen of a benefit of doubt that they fail to even realize what they will cause with this proposed legislation that is called HR 875 that sets up a Food Safety Administration, lets ignore the pre-existing Food and Drug Administration. Whereas environmentalist wet dreams of turning every pond into wetlands has been thwarted by judicial rulings limiting what consitutes standing water while the Congressinal pet project adminsitration called the Corps of Engineers keeps trying to stretch the definition of naviagable waterways to control more and more territory, this act leaves nothing to doubt. It grants the Federal Government complete authority to inspect any farm producer, even if its your retired grandma growing a few tomato plants plus a few chickens. And if you try to sell your stuff in a roadside stall, well the Federal Government is going to presume you are guilty of causing interstate commerce and hence can find you for it. What will this gob-smacking idiotic and horribly written piece of garbage actually do? First it will chase out or drive underground the small farmer. So our food supply becomes more centralised and hence easier for one act of sabotage cause more harm. Even if nothing untoward happens to the cosumers' health, if the government regulates food production to such that only large corporate farms can produce food, will the government also stipulate what will be grown and where? If this is true, tehn we shall face another Dust Bowl of far greater destruction as the morons in Congress will have caused a famine that would exceed the Stalin induced famine that murdered over 7 million Ukrainians as he enforced the collectivisation of all farms into state run entities. And until the USSR crumbled, this act by the Soviets turned them into food importers since they could never produce enough food for their population. This centralisation of food production by the state government has been tried in other countries like Cambodia and Zimbabwe, the result is the same - the populace ends up starved and suffering while Pol Pot and Mugabe live luxurious lifestyles.
In the states of California and Washington, you the state voters can stop the stupidty. So do it! Now HR 875, We the People, in order to form a more perfect Union, had better let our elected officials in Washington DC that this bill must not pass. Sound the charge, storm up Capitol Hill and lets take back our country from the Professional Prostitutes of the Potomac.
First lets look at the state of California. It seems they are in a bind over energy supply. Well after Gray Davis put them through the ringer, its a surprise its not worse than it is. So the socialist mavens that infest Sacramento and certain coastal enclaves have hatched a new idea on stretching the power available and their solution is misleadingly labeled a 'smart' meter. This new meter monitors how much electricity a consumer uses like the old ones, but it has a new trick as it reports the useage to the power company or even the government. And those wonderful folks can decide if you are using too much electricty and shut you down. Obviously when they call it a smart meter, they mean it is smarter than the consumer since these folks do not believe the average consumer is smart enough to do such things as turn lights out when not in use.
Next on the list of real bone-headed ideas that accomplishes almost nothing comes from the Soviet Socialist Republic of Seattle. This past winter, it was literally worth your life to venture onto the streets of Seattle after it snowed. In order to protect the salt-water filled Puget Sound from contamination of more salt, Seattle did not lay down any salt when it snowed. So if a person wanted to drive on these icy streets, the trip could end in tragedy. As I said Puget Sound is already full of saltwater, what will a little more salt do? Give the Pacific Ocean high blood pressure?
Not wanting to rest on their laurels after conjuring up smart meters, those chaps in California hatched a new idea to save the environment. Extrapoliating from basic science that dark colours absorb more light, they have truly leapt over the couch and now find themselves tap-dancing above the shark to reach the conclusion that having a dark coloured car makes the air conditioner work harder and hence consume more petrol which means more pollution is released. So what is their solution? Well its not adivising owners of dark coloured cars to let the windows down for the first couple minutes so the hot air leaves. Oh no, they have got to have the $64,000 answer since they think they are so smart. They want to ban all dark coloured cars from being sold. For a money grubbing capitalist like all the hard hit car dealerships, there is an easy way around this regulation if it comes to pass. Just offer the buyer of that lime green Impala a discount on a paint job of their choice if they close the deal. Which will then cause those regulatory boffins to dispatch the police to arrest people. And by the time the regulators have chased all the paint shops over the state line, who knows how many millions of dollars will have been spent enforcing this boondoggle while killing viable businesses?
The next story, again from Seattle, reminded me of a passge from Mary Rodgers' charming novel Freaky Friday. Annabelle's father is an ad-exec and his agency had landed an account from a laundry detergent manufacturer to market a more environmentally friendly detergent. This detergent had no phosphates. To quote from the book: "no phosphates, low sudsing action, and, according to my mother, gray laundry." Seattle has been selected as the test subject for the outlawing of dishwasher detergents like Electrosol because they contain, wait for it, phosphates that are hazardous to the environment. What has happened instead of people being docile little drones, a black market has sprung up for phosphate laden dishwasher detergents. People are going to other states and bringing back the stuff, so now Seattle is pondering going after the smugglers.
But wait, the best is yet to come. Or the worse. It all depends upon location, are you the one getting screwed by the government or doing the screwing because you work for the government? I will give the moronic Democrats that infest the Congress a smidgen of a benefit of doubt that they fail to even realize what they will cause with this proposed legislation that is called HR 875 that sets up a Food Safety Administration, lets ignore the pre-existing Food and Drug Administration. Whereas environmentalist wet dreams of turning every pond into wetlands has been thwarted by judicial rulings limiting what consitutes standing water while the Congressinal pet project adminsitration called the Corps of Engineers keeps trying to stretch the definition of naviagable waterways to control more and more territory, this act leaves nothing to doubt. It grants the Federal Government complete authority to inspect any farm producer, even if its your retired grandma growing a few tomato plants plus a few chickens. And if you try to sell your stuff in a roadside stall, well the Federal Government is going to presume you are guilty of causing interstate commerce and hence can find you for it. What will this gob-smacking idiotic and horribly written piece of garbage actually do? First it will chase out or drive underground the small farmer. So our food supply becomes more centralised and hence easier for one act of sabotage cause more harm. Even if nothing untoward happens to the cosumers' health, if the government regulates food production to such that only large corporate farms can produce food, will the government also stipulate what will be grown and where? If this is true, tehn we shall face another Dust Bowl of far greater destruction as the morons in Congress will have caused a famine that would exceed the Stalin induced famine that murdered over 7 million Ukrainians as he enforced the collectivisation of all farms into state run entities. And until the USSR crumbled, this act by the Soviets turned them into food importers since they could never produce enough food for their population. This centralisation of food production by the state government has been tried in other countries like Cambodia and Zimbabwe, the result is the same - the populace ends up starved and suffering while Pol Pot and Mugabe live luxurious lifestyles.
In the states of California and Washington, you the state voters can stop the stupidty. So do it! Now HR 875, We the People, in order to form a more perfect Union, had better let our elected officials in Washington DC that this bill must not pass. Sound the charge, storm up Capitol Hill and lets take back our country from the Professional Prostitutes of the Potomac.
Sunday, March 29, 2009
March 29th in History
On March 29th, 1973 the last American troops left the Republic of Vietnam.
Just over two years later on April 30, 1975 the same Republic of Vietnam ceased to exist as it surrendered to the invading forces from the communist Socialist Republic of Vietnam.
Just over two years later on April 30, 1975 the same Republic of Vietnam ceased to exist as it surrendered to the invading forces from the communist Socialist Republic of Vietnam.
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Upcoming G-20 Meet
Many world leaders like President Obama, Prime Minister Brown, President Sarkozy, Prime Minister Stephen Harper, President Mevedev, and President Hu will soon meet at the G-20 in England.
My question is not rhetorical at all, but with just a dash of gallows humour. Which of these countries won't have the cup out asking for alms? "Hey buddy can ya spare a billion?"
My question is not rhetorical at all, but with just a dash of gallows humour. Which of these countries won't have the cup out asking for alms? "Hey buddy can ya spare a billion?"
Olmert's Naive Gamble Fails
No one should be the least bit surprised at this latest development out of Isreal and the area controlled by the terror orgnisation Hamas.
Olmert's ploy to negotiate with Hamas without actually talking to Hamas has not born any tangible fruit. In point of fact, this desperate attempt by Olmert to salvage something has put Hamas in the driver's seat with these negotiations.
When one of the senior thugs of Hamas says the release of Shalit "will be finalized sooner or later." It is pretty obvious who is really in charge. And to drive the point home that it is Hamas holding all the cards, another Hamas thug, Ra'ed al-Attar, says they will kidnap more Israeli sodliers to force Israel to release over 1,400 terrorists the Israelis hold in prison.
Shalit has been a captive of Hamas since 2006. The big question remains, is Shalit really alive? All we have is the word of Hamas that he is. As far as I know, no one ouside of Hamas has seen Shalit since they day he was kidnapped. Israel, re Olmert's government, may find out it has released over 1.400 hard core killers just for the body of Shalit.
Terror does have to come from a bomb or a bullet, ask Gilad Shalit's family. Hamas should not be negotiated with and granted the slightest shred of legitimacy. Hamas needs to be broken and shattered instead.
Olmert's ploy to negotiate with Hamas without actually talking to Hamas has not born any tangible fruit. In point of fact, this desperate attempt by Olmert to salvage something has put Hamas in the driver's seat with these negotiations.
When one of the senior thugs of Hamas says the release of Shalit "will be finalized sooner or later." It is pretty obvious who is really in charge. And to drive the point home that it is Hamas holding all the cards, another Hamas thug, Ra'ed al-Attar, says they will kidnap more Israeli sodliers to force Israel to release over 1,400 terrorists the Israelis hold in prison.
Shalit has been a captive of Hamas since 2006. The big question remains, is Shalit really alive? All we have is the word of Hamas that he is. As far as I know, no one ouside of Hamas has seen Shalit since they day he was kidnapped. Israel, re Olmert's government, may find out it has released over 1.400 hard core killers just for the body of Shalit.
Terror does have to come from a bomb or a bullet, ask Gilad Shalit's family. Hamas should not be negotiated with and granted the slightest shred of legitimacy. Hamas needs to be broken and shattered instead.
Monday, March 23, 2009
Lowered Expectations
Frankly with every day and every utterance, my opinion of this administration and this man who got elected President drops.
What next? During a state visit to Japan and going through the motions of an abbreviated Tea Ceremony the President gulps the green tea and then spews it over the PM?
After less than fourty days in office, he is making James Earl Carter's four years look downright competent. Please let this Republic survive this man's manifest incompetence.
- He can't seem to nominate/select anyone who does not have legal issues.
- Insults the handicapped as a failed attempted at humour as he becomes the first sitting President ever to appear on a late night TV show.
- Returns a special gift to the United Kingdom.
- Then adds insult by presenting as a gift a 25 DVD set of movies that can not be played in the UK for they are the wrong region.
- His State Department can't seem to find a Russian translator as the Secretary of State presents a symbolic button meant to represent a resetting of relations between the two countries.
- Legislation he signed into law has sparked a trade war with Mexico.
- As an interviewer asks if he is punch drunk, he tries to pass off as gallows humour his laughing at the economic crisis.
- Now I hear he wrote a personal letter to the President of France, Jaques Chirac. The current President is a guy named Sarkozy. Merde.
What next? During a state visit to Japan and going through the motions of an abbreviated Tea Ceremony the President gulps the green tea and then spews it over the PM?
After less than fourty days in office, he is making James Earl Carter's four years look downright competent. Please let this Republic survive this man's manifest incompetence.
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Obama Retreats
Well its nice that even the self-worshipping one can have his My Little Barry worldview punctured on occasion. After the likes of Sen. Akaka of Hawaii says the Obama plan to force veterans to pay for their care is dead, the annointed one has back-peddaled and has dropped the whole idea. For now. Politicians and their ideas are like vampires, you got to be doubly sure those ideas are dead.
As for Shinseki, who is a former Army genral and Obama's veteran affairs guy, resign right now. Break your sword for your word is worthless. We still remember your cute lil black beret idea and attempt to turn the US Army into a UN force armed with Strykers. Go away for your visage disgusts all honourable people.
As for Shinseki, who is a former Army genral and Obama's veteran affairs guy, resign right now. Break your sword for your word is worthless. We still remember your cute lil black beret idea and attempt to turn the US Army into a UN force armed with Strykers. Go away for your visage disgusts all honourable people.
Friday, March 20, 2009
Civics and Civility
Hey you readers out there. Take a break from your exercise machine. I know they promise that ten minutes a day will make you stronger and leaner. Well I beg you to spend ten minutes watching this clip and strengthen something in these times is far more vital, your brain.
See, that did not hurt at all or make you stinky did it? But it fed your brain I bet. Just think on it.
Hat-tip to Karagush for finding this video. You da best.
See, that did not hurt at all or make you stinky did it? But it fed your brain I bet. Just think on it.
Hat-tip to Karagush for finding this video. You da best.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
The Prompt Chancellor -A Modern Comedy
Let me tell a little tale that I cooked up. So sit right back and enjoy.
Obviously someone failed to get the memo for we are no longer on Earth but on the Discworld. How else to explain the TelePrompter Overlord we now have versus the Uber-Brain 9999 made by MicroRonco that everyone expected?
Seriously, how else can we explain it? Those bright chaps at the Unseen University knew they were bright, scary bright in some cases. Doubt me? Just ask them and they will tell you how smart they are. Heck when they realized how hard a 40-hour work week was, they cut back to a more manageable 20 hours. Those unpaid teaching assistants who were slacking off made the difference on that let me tell you. So these scary brainy boffins wanted a more predictable concept of a Chancellor, they set about creating one. Not in a mad scientist way of robbing graves and such gunk, remember these are the people who like to stay clean and look smart.
They subcontracted the inner-workings of their automata Chancellor to the gnomes, only the finest metals, after competitive bidding, were used and no expense was spared in labor as illegal gnomes sweated on the project. Alas the AI R&D department at Unseen spent far too much time at O’Malley’s Pub&Crawl, so no progress was accomplished in regards to giving the robo-Chancellor a perfectly serviceable mechanical parrot brain. They could not use a real parrot brain since the Animal Husbandry department was very adamant in their opposition, the whole matter got dropped when one of the supporters of a real parrot brain vanished for a short bit and came back squawking ‘Polly wanna cracker!’
So after several months and quite a few research grants, they had reached a very vexing impasse. Their Chancellor looked all fine and regal, what with just the right bit of gray in the hair and a few strategic laugh lines in the face to make him seem kind. But they had no brain to put in that distinguished head. But as I said they are bright boffins and nothing was going to stop them from completing this project. They wanted to protect their tenures and the 20-hour work week. Talk about motivation.
After a few more tankards at O’Malley’s, the AI team finally hit upon a brainstorm that might save them. After blearily looking at the barkeep tabulating with an abacus, they had an epiphany, a programmable abacus in that empty noggin might save all their tenures. But then they got glum on how to program that gizmo. There was no way they could get away with cracking open that fine noggin just before a speech or a commencement, that would ruin their whole plan. So instead they watched the dwarves get blitzed and play toss the gnome.
Which was when that strange and fickle lady Discworld calls Luck intervened. The dwarves were so drunk they missed with their gnome toss, so the poor gnomish lad in red pointy hat went smashing into a magical TelePrompter. Thereby setting off the electro-sprites who lived in that TelePrompter who were getting smashed in their own right atop the bar. As the sparks flew over the dazed gnome who was already seeing enough bright lights as his now bent hat sat rakishly on his head, so did a light turn on over the collectively very drunk AI brain-trust.
Almost in unison they shouted, with nary a slur since they are bright drunks who are proud of their pronunciation, “Eureka!!” Which in this case meant, “We have a solution!” and not “Oh my gawd who let Simmons play in the chemistry lab again.” They turned to each other and smiled, then they raised their tankards, took a deep swallow, and threw their steins at the broken TelePrompter in recognition of it saving their cush little jobs.
The next day the few survivors of the AI team assembled in the lab. While they manfully ignored their throbbing heads and parched tongues as they bent to their task, they could not forget those who gave the ultimate sacrifice the previous night as the electro-sprites used the beer itself to conduct their fury upon those who had desecrated their TelePrompter.
For the next three days, no one at O’Malley’s saw the AI team and the owner started to fret as his bottom line started to turn red. They were for once hard at work, they had fire in the belly, and it was a worthy cause in memory of their comrades who died of beer eletrocution. And on the seventh day, when O’Malley’s was looking at being foreclosed there did the hearty band from the AI team showed upon his doorstep. Instantly the frown turned to a smile. The team was victorious and their Chancellor would now be perfect.
And they completed the task not a moment too soon for this semester’s commencement was right around the corner. Though the electro-sprites almost caused the whole plan to come unglued. You see the electro-sprites were union through and through and so were the dwarven speechwriters who programmed their TelePrompters. There was almost an honest to goodness picket-like strike of these cutesy little glowing blue sprites calling Unseen University Scab-versity on their not so small protest signs. Luckily St. Bill of NAFTA happened to be cruising through Ankh Moorpark on the well-paying speech circuit when he heard of this little disagreement. Being a neighborly sort, he intervened by calling everyone over to the Kosovar Building for negotiations. After a little sax and feeling everyone’s mutual pain it was kumbayah time as the boffins and the union shook hands and inked a good deal.
Soon no one could think of Unseen University being in better hands than their distinguished new Chancellor who seemed to always say the right things at the right time while pursuing policies everyone on tenure loved. But as they say, the only constant is Change and even that capricious lady paid a visit to marvel at the newly installed Chancellor. And where Change goes, Chaos soon follows just to join the festivities.
The chaos in this case was when the current batch of speechwriting dwarves decided to have a party aboard a boat on the lake to celebrate their latest union mandated pay-raise. And once again that stalwart gnomish lad, being a good sport, went with them to celebrate. No one is sure what happened next save the usual massive quantities of dark ale, ale so stout it would make Guinness seem a light beer, were consumed by one and all aboard. Some think the dwarves got into a spat over the next speech they would program into the TelePrompter for the Chancellor to parrot. This speech was supposed to be really good for the professors, giving them a pay-raise and options on further cutting back their work week hours. What is known is when the boat was recovered there were multiple holes in the boat just about the same size as moveable type. No dwarves were left to tell the tale and the gnome had a concussion when found floating in the beer cooler.
Which lead one wag to comment that “Indeed, words can kill.” He was found the next day smooshed under the non-circulating library which accidentally toppled onto him. Chaos was not giving interviews by this time.
O’Malley’s Pub&Crawl was adorned in black in mourning for a whole week. The bottom line became even blacker as the electro-sprites and the AI team tried to drown their sorrows. Off at one corner of the bar, sat the gnome in the red hat all sad as he missed being tossed by the dwarves. Meanwhile, the Political Science Department staged a hostile take over of the Journalism Department. And everyone shrugged it off, it was academic war as usual they thought. Chaos and Change merely smiled at each other when it happened.
“I tell you it’s this new batch of dwarven speechwriters that is causing the problems! Look at this newest speech by our perfect Chancellor, he is now running to become the leader of the whole flat expanse of a world we live on.” Naturally we are back at O’Malley’s as our brainy heroes realize they might have a problem that even O’Malley’s heavy brew can not cure even as they try to make sense of it all.
And the AI team leader was right, though he truly did not understand it since he dealt in the hard science of ones and zeroes. For you see those crafty little collectivists over at Poli Sci Dept had no hand in crafting the new Chancellor, but when they saw him in action all kinds of red images floated through their pointy noggins. So they leveraged the Journalism Department the moment the original dwarven speechwriters turned up dead and slipped in their own dwarves. Yes ring dwarves to bind them all.
The creators of the perfect Chancellor stood in shock and awe as their cherished Chancellor was hijacked from under them. With every speech, every smile, and especially with every stroke of a pen they found their own domains and perks shrunken while those of the new Political Journalism Department expanded tremendously. They also found themselves saddled with ghastly 30-hour work weeks and no more teaching assistants, which left them with precious little free time to think of protesting. As if protesting would do any good since the dwarves and electro-sprites were union and virtually immune to a job firing. Not even St. Bill of NAFTA dared to cross this union.
With their erstwhile enemies cowed back into their ivory towers of hard science, the mandarins of the Political Journalism Department got real busy. The Chancellor started to take whistle stop tours of the far corners of the Discworld promising a chicken in every pot if he became their leader. He promised them no worries from work. No worries from getting fat. He would take care of them all. And before the usual power oligarchies knew what hit them, they found themselves out on the street shivering in the cold as their subjects voted with their feet and flocked to the Chancellor’s alluring call.
All was happy in the Discworld, even Death took another holiday as the Chancellor was so convincing on how wonderful everything would be with him in charge. Why some even thought they would see unicorns farting rainbows after one speech. Then as the mandarins seemingly reached the apex of their power over the whole Discworld, those darlings Change and Chaos came back from vacation.
They thought they were delighted in the Chancellor when he merely ran Unseen University. Now that he was the ruler of the whole Discworld, why they rubbed their hands in fearful glee. Luck just looked on as she kept rolling snake-eyes. O’Malley’s Pub&Crawl filed for bankruptcy soon after the AI team’s tenure was creatively terminated under the Gnome Affirmation Hiring Project[GAHP, where the p is silent].
Thus the stage was set for Change and Chaos’s greatest performance to date, a production that would prove so monumentally mind-boggling it would in later years be turned into a comedy by Smell Hooks called The Prompt Chancellor. It began most quietly since Change liked to be subtle sometimes and Chaos was gob-smacked at how brilliant it was.
Now the bright boffins, if they were still around could have prevented this from occurring. But they were languishing in the ever expanding unemployment lines while their creation babbled on. By small means the whole machine of control started to topple. The mandarins merely thought their pet ring dwarves were more radical than they were but let it slide since the people did not notice. But the goofs started to get bigger and so did the stumbling speech of the Chancellor get more noticeable. Soon those who had fawned over the Chancellor and believed in unicorns started to drift away.
Finally Luck rolled a seven while Change and Chaos laughed themselves into a tizzy and could no longer manage a creative crash. The Chancellor’s popularity started to plummet while the ring dwarves tore their braided hair out as he veered off the prepared scripts, sometimes even thanking himself while the reporters wrote everything down. And then it happened, in mid-word the Chancellor froze.
Thirty reporters from all over the Discworld put their pens down and stared at the Chancellor. The mandarins backstage swooned like schoolgirls with the vapors as their perfect tool failed them. The electro-sprites and dwarves had no clue what to do so one of the dwarves decided to open up the Chancellor. In front of all the reporters in the media gallery. Now the mandarins seem afflicted with St. Vitus dance as their sham is exposed. So, as a dwarf cracked open that noble noggin, the whole game came unglued when he exclaimed triumphantly “By golly he slipped an abacus disk!”
Thus was left standing Ozymandius the Chancellor, forever frozen behind his favorite magical TelePrompter as the reporters stampeded out the room to get the greatest news story ever to their subscribers. While up in the lights, Change and Chaos kept laughing maniacally.
Obviously someone failed to get the memo for we are no longer on Earth but on the Discworld. How else to explain the TelePrompter Overlord we now have versus the Uber-Brain 9999 made by MicroRonco that everyone expected?
Seriously, how else can we explain it? Those bright chaps at the Unseen University knew they were bright, scary bright in some cases. Doubt me? Just ask them and they will tell you how smart they are. Heck when they realized how hard a 40-hour work week was, they cut back to a more manageable 20 hours. Those unpaid teaching assistants who were slacking off made the difference on that let me tell you. So these scary brainy boffins wanted a more predictable concept of a Chancellor, they set about creating one. Not in a mad scientist way of robbing graves and such gunk, remember these are the people who like to stay clean and look smart.
They subcontracted the inner-workings of their automata Chancellor to the gnomes, only the finest metals, after competitive bidding, were used and no expense was spared in labor as illegal gnomes sweated on the project. Alas the AI R&D department at Unseen spent far too much time at O’Malley’s Pub&Crawl, so no progress was accomplished in regards to giving the robo-Chancellor a perfectly serviceable mechanical parrot brain. They could not use a real parrot brain since the Animal Husbandry department was very adamant in their opposition, the whole matter got dropped when one of the supporters of a real parrot brain vanished for a short bit and came back squawking ‘Polly wanna cracker!’
So after several months and quite a few research grants, they had reached a very vexing impasse. Their Chancellor looked all fine and regal, what with just the right bit of gray in the hair and a few strategic laugh lines in the face to make him seem kind. But they had no brain to put in that distinguished head. But as I said they are bright boffins and nothing was going to stop them from completing this project. They wanted to protect their tenures and the 20-hour work week. Talk about motivation.
After a few more tankards at O’Malley’s, the AI team finally hit upon a brainstorm that might save them. After blearily looking at the barkeep tabulating with an abacus, they had an epiphany, a programmable abacus in that empty noggin might save all their tenures. But then they got glum on how to program that gizmo. There was no way they could get away with cracking open that fine noggin just before a speech or a commencement, that would ruin their whole plan. So instead they watched the dwarves get blitzed and play toss the gnome.
Which was when that strange and fickle lady Discworld calls Luck intervened. The dwarves were so drunk they missed with their gnome toss, so the poor gnomish lad in red pointy hat went smashing into a magical TelePrompter. Thereby setting off the electro-sprites who lived in that TelePrompter who were getting smashed in their own right atop the bar. As the sparks flew over the dazed gnome who was already seeing enough bright lights as his now bent hat sat rakishly on his head, so did a light turn on over the collectively very drunk AI brain-trust.
Almost in unison they shouted, with nary a slur since they are bright drunks who are proud of their pronunciation, “Eureka!!” Which in this case meant, “We have a solution!” and not “Oh my gawd who let Simmons play in the chemistry lab again.” They turned to each other and smiled, then they raised their tankards, took a deep swallow, and threw their steins at the broken TelePrompter in recognition of it saving their cush little jobs.
The next day the few survivors of the AI team assembled in the lab. While they manfully ignored their throbbing heads and parched tongues as they bent to their task, they could not forget those who gave the ultimate sacrifice the previous night as the electro-sprites used the beer itself to conduct their fury upon those who had desecrated their TelePrompter.
For the next three days, no one at O’Malley’s saw the AI team and the owner started to fret as his bottom line started to turn red. They were for once hard at work, they had fire in the belly, and it was a worthy cause in memory of their comrades who died of beer eletrocution. And on the seventh day, when O’Malley’s was looking at being foreclosed there did the hearty band from the AI team showed upon his doorstep. Instantly the frown turned to a smile. The team was victorious and their Chancellor would now be perfect.
And they completed the task not a moment too soon for this semester’s commencement was right around the corner. Though the electro-sprites almost caused the whole plan to come unglued. You see the electro-sprites were union through and through and so were the dwarven speechwriters who programmed their TelePrompters. There was almost an honest to goodness picket-like strike of these cutesy little glowing blue sprites calling Unseen University Scab-versity on their not so small protest signs. Luckily St. Bill of NAFTA happened to be cruising through Ankh Moorpark on the well-paying speech circuit when he heard of this little disagreement. Being a neighborly sort, he intervened by calling everyone over to the Kosovar Building for negotiations. After a little sax and feeling everyone’s mutual pain it was kumbayah time as the boffins and the union shook hands and inked a good deal.
Soon no one could think of Unseen University being in better hands than their distinguished new Chancellor who seemed to always say the right things at the right time while pursuing policies everyone on tenure loved. But as they say, the only constant is Change and even that capricious lady paid a visit to marvel at the newly installed Chancellor. And where Change goes, Chaos soon follows just to join the festivities.
The chaos in this case was when the current batch of speechwriting dwarves decided to have a party aboard a boat on the lake to celebrate their latest union mandated pay-raise. And once again that stalwart gnomish lad, being a good sport, went with them to celebrate. No one is sure what happened next save the usual massive quantities of dark ale, ale so stout it would make Guinness seem a light beer, were consumed by one and all aboard. Some think the dwarves got into a spat over the next speech they would program into the TelePrompter for the Chancellor to parrot. This speech was supposed to be really good for the professors, giving them a pay-raise and options on further cutting back their work week hours. What is known is when the boat was recovered there were multiple holes in the boat just about the same size as moveable type. No dwarves were left to tell the tale and the gnome had a concussion when found floating in the beer cooler.
Which lead one wag to comment that “Indeed, words can kill.” He was found the next day smooshed under the non-circulating library which accidentally toppled onto him. Chaos was not giving interviews by this time.
O’Malley’s Pub&Crawl was adorned in black in mourning for a whole week. The bottom line became even blacker as the electro-sprites and the AI team tried to drown their sorrows. Off at one corner of the bar, sat the gnome in the red hat all sad as he missed being tossed by the dwarves. Meanwhile, the Political Science Department staged a hostile take over of the Journalism Department. And everyone shrugged it off, it was academic war as usual they thought. Chaos and Change merely smiled at each other when it happened.
“I tell you it’s this new batch of dwarven speechwriters that is causing the problems! Look at this newest speech by our perfect Chancellor, he is now running to become the leader of the whole flat expanse of a world we live on.” Naturally we are back at O’Malley’s as our brainy heroes realize they might have a problem that even O’Malley’s heavy brew can not cure even as they try to make sense of it all.
And the AI team leader was right, though he truly did not understand it since he dealt in the hard science of ones and zeroes. For you see those crafty little collectivists over at Poli Sci Dept had no hand in crafting the new Chancellor, but when they saw him in action all kinds of red images floated through their pointy noggins. So they leveraged the Journalism Department the moment the original dwarven speechwriters turned up dead and slipped in their own dwarves. Yes ring dwarves to bind them all.
The creators of the perfect Chancellor stood in shock and awe as their cherished Chancellor was hijacked from under them. With every speech, every smile, and especially with every stroke of a pen they found their own domains and perks shrunken while those of the new Political Journalism Department expanded tremendously. They also found themselves saddled with ghastly 30-hour work weeks and no more teaching assistants, which left them with precious little free time to think of protesting. As if protesting would do any good since the dwarves and electro-sprites were union and virtually immune to a job firing. Not even St. Bill of NAFTA dared to cross this union.
With their erstwhile enemies cowed back into their ivory towers of hard science, the mandarins of the Political Journalism Department got real busy. The Chancellor started to take whistle stop tours of the far corners of the Discworld promising a chicken in every pot if he became their leader. He promised them no worries from work. No worries from getting fat. He would take care of them all. And before the usual power oligarchies knew what hit them, they found themselves out on the street shivering in the cold as their subjects voted with their feet and flocked to the Chancellor’s alluring call.
All was happy in the Discworld, even Death took another holiday as the Chancellor was so convincing on how wonderful everything would be with him in charge. Why some even thought they would see unicorns farting rainbows after one speech. Then as the mandarins seemingly reached the apex of their power over the whole Discworld, those darlings Change and Chaos came back from vacation.
They thought they were delighted in the Chancellor when he merely ran Unseen University. Now that he was the ruler of the whole Discworld, why they rubbed their hands in fearful glee. Luck just looked on as she kept rolling snake-eyes. O’Malley’s Pub&Crawl filed for bankruptcy soon after the AI team’s tenure was creatively terminated under the Gnome Affirmation Hiring Project[GAHP, where the p is silent].
Thus the stage was set for Change and Chaos’s greatest performance to date, a production that would prove so monumentally mind-boggling it would in later years be turned into a comedy by Smell Hooks called The Prompt Chancellor. It began most quietly since Change liked to be subtle sometimes and Chaos was gob-smacked at how brilliant it was.
Now the bright boffins, if they were still around could have prevented this from occurring. But they were languishing in the ever expanding unemployment lines while their creation babbled on. By small means the whole machine of control started to topple. The mandarins merely thought their pet ring dwarves were more radical than they were but let it slide since the people did not notice. But the goofs started to get bigger and so did the stumbling speech of the Chancellor get more noticeable. Soon those who had fawned over the Chancellor and believed in unicorns started to drift away.
Finally Luck rolled a seven while Change and Chaos laughed themselves into a tizzy and could no longer manage a creative crash. The Chancellor’s popularity started to plummet while the ring dwarves tore their braided hair out as he veered off the prepared scripts, sometimes even thanking himself while the reporters wrote everything down. And then it happened, in mid-word the Chancellor froze.
Thirty reporters from all over the Discworld put their pens down and stared at the Chancellor. The mandarins backstage swooned like schoolgirls with the vapors as their perfect tool failed them. The electro-sprites and dwarves had no clue what to do so one of the dwarves decided to open up the Chancellor. In front of all the reporters in the media gallery. Now the mandarins seem afflicted with St. Vitus dance as their sham is exposed. So, as a dwarf cracked open that noble noggin, the whole game came unglued when he exclaimed triumphantly “By golly he slipped an abacus disk!”
Thus was left standing Ozymandius the Chancellor, forever frozen behind his favorite magical TelePrompter as the reporters stampeded out the room to get the greatest news story ever to their subscribers. While up in the lights, Change and Chaos kept laughing maniacally.
Monday, March 16, 2009
Obama's Desire to Screw the Veterans
Back in 1995, a guy named George 'Bud' Day got mighty steamed and decided to take on Goliath, aka Fedzilla. Day was a veteran of WWII, Korea, and VietNam. As is his usual he went to Eglin AFB to get his medicines refilled and he was turned down. He was turned down since the medicine he needed was now restricted to the active duty force. He finally got an answer to his major gripe from the flight surgeon who would take his case. It seems the White House, aka President Bill Clinton, had really cut off any military retiree from accessing the military hospitals for free care or medicine if they were over the age of sixty-five. What would take the place of this suddenly off-limits care? The retirees, being people who had done twenty plus years serving their country, would have to go through Medicare and hence have to pay for part of their care under this plan.
Being an obstreperous person who could give stubborn lessons to mules while having a very black&white view of the world, Day was not going to take this laying down. A wrong was most definitely committed. What entailed was years of legal battles as Day fought the government he swore to defend over what the Marine recruiters in WWII promised him of free medical care and then the Air Force promised him the same thing if he stayed in over twenty years. None of the various veteran organizations, when Day approached them, wanted to touch his case saying it could not be won; one of these organizations being the American Legion. But things like a sadistic guard named Bug and over fives years in hell called the Hanoi Hilton did not deter Bud Day, all this doom saying was not going to either. Alas, even with documents from the government like the Forrestal Memo showing it had made such promises, Day and the rest of the retirees were found by the court system to be not entitled to such promised free medical care. Thus a solemn promise was broken.
Now we find ourselves with another Democrat President who never served a day in the military and is further breaking this promise to the military. While Bill Clinton only went after the aged survivors of such as the Bataan Death March or the Battle of the Bulge, what Obama is intending goes even further than what Clinton did. Obama wants to make veterans, not necessarily military retirees, have their private insurance companies pay the Veterans Administration for their service related injuries.
You heard me right. If a sailor or soldier or marine or airman gets injured in the line of duty and later has to go to a VA hospital for treatment, President Obama wants private insurance to pay for the treatment at a government funded hospital. This person could be 18 or 65, it will not matter as Obama tells that service member they have to pay for being injured serving their country. Why anyone in their right mind would join the military if this came to pass I do not know.
The American Legion and other veteran organizations have voiced their vehement disagreement with this idea but the bi-partisan President Obama so far is not listening to them. Looking back at Bud Day's almost solo crusade against Bill Clinton's policy change, I have to think the American Legion and other veteran groups missed their best chance at stopping this foolishness of Obama's by failing to stop Bill Clinton's plan.
Enough is enough, this has to be stopped before the world's best military is reduced to a shell by destructive policies. Sound the charge, do not take this laying down. Run up the 'Don't Tread on Me' flag and get yourself heard. We, the People, must be heard or what other sacred oaths will President Obama trample in the name of his vision?
Being an obstreperous person who could give stubborn lessons to mules while having a very black&white view of the world, Day was not going to take this laying down. A wrong was most definitely committed. What entailed was years of legal battles as Day fought the government he swore to defend over what the Marine recruiters in WWII promised him of free medical care and then the Air Force promised him the same thing if he stayed in over twenty years. None of the various veteran organizations, when Day approached them, wanted to touch his case saying it could not be won; one of these organizations being the American Legion. But things like a sadistic guard named Bug and over fives years in hell called the Hanoi Hilton did not deter Bud Day, all this doom saying was not going to either. Alas, even with documents from the government like the Forrestal Memo showing it had made such promises, Day and the rest of the retirees were found by the court system to be not entitled to such promised free medical care. Thus a solemn promise was broken.
Now we find ourselves with another Democrat President who never served a day in the military and is further breaking this promise to the military. While Bill Clinton only went after the aged survivors of such as the Bataan Death March or the Battle of the Bulge, what Obama is intending goes even further than what Clinton did. Obama wants to make veterans, not necessarily military retirees, have their private insurance companies pay the Veterans Administration for their service related injuries.
You heard me right. If a sailor or soldier or marine or airman gets injured in the line of duty and later has to go to a VA hospital for treatment, President Obama wants private insurance to pay for the treatment at a government funded hospital. This person could be 18 or 65, it will not matter as Obama tells that service member they have to pay for being injured serving their country. Why anyone in their right mind would join the military if this came to pass I do not know.
The American Legion and other veteran organizations have voiced their vehement disagreement with this idea but the bi-partisan President Obama so far is not listening to them. Looking back at Bud Day's almost solo crusade against Bill Clinton's policy change, I have to think the American Legion and other veteran groups missed their best chance at stopping this foolishness of Obama's by failing to stop Bill Clinton's plan.
Enough is enough, this has to be stopped before the world's best military is reduced to a shell by destructive policies. Sound the charge, do not take this laying down. Run up the 'Don't Tread on Me' flag and get yourself heard. We, the People, must be heard or what other sacred oaths will President Obama trample in the name of his vision?
Saturday, March 07, 2009
Obama Has A List
It seems President Obama is joining a very select list of past presidents. In fact its a list that has one on it. President George Bush never got on it. Not even Ronald Reagan when dealing with Sam Donaldson. But Richard Nixon, oh yes. In fact Nixon created this trend. It seems Obama is building up a list of what he calls enemies. from Rush Limbaugh who wants Obama's policies to fail so the country will live to a guy named Cramer who thinks the President is destroying the country with his actions. The list gets longer.
An enemy list is something that should be anathema to a representative republic or a democracy. But dictators and would-be tyrants love to have enemy lists. Even cult leaders have them. Such a list galvanises their supporters into being fearful and short-circuits critical thinking along with serving notice if they veer from their leader's orthodoxy they may get labeled an enemy also.
Where could Obama get such ideas? Could it be Stalin? Saul Alinsky or Bill Ayers? Or maybe his own cousin in Kenya. Whatever the source, such a list represents a hazard to this country and how Obama will handle a crisis. Will he think, as he is besieged, of such as the Bard's lament by a certain king, "will no one rid me of this troublesome priest?" There lays much danger.
Wednesday, March 04, 2009
Obama Attacks Defense
Not surprised one bit. Mr. Spend $787 Billion Without Reading It suddenly gets fiscally conservative. About defense contracts. Holding up the VH-71 project as his poster child he has ordered his minions to thoroughly examine how defense contracts are awarded and have reform ideas by September. He wants more oversight and accountability. More oversight and meddling than the Air Force has witnessed in the past decade to buy new tankers? Wonderful, it will mean the DoD will study and study and study for at least a decade before doing anything like build a prototype system and there will be so much oversight, a new layer of bureaucrats will get hired and never go away. Meanwhile the troops will see what equipment they have wear out and possibly leave them in the lurch at a most critical time, like combat. Do we really need more F-15s shedding wings?
Meanwhile over in Congress, business as usual in killing a needed program trundles on. Defense contractors have gotten cagey about things by spreading out sub-contractor jobs to as many House districts as possible, hence if the program gets cut it will be felt by many in Congress via outraged howls of constituents. In reaction to this, Congress has developed a safe way of killing a program. By mouthing the false piety of being stewards of the public money, these Representatives and Senators hide the shiv they have clutched close to their expensive suits. They will say they are only reducing the initial production run because they are fearful it will be an expensive bust like the A-12.
When they say they are slowing down the initial procurement, it has an avalanche effect upon the whole project. Lets say Acme Aero has a contract to build the replacement for the A-10 and could see a production run of 600. So they spend $1billions in research on the project. Which means about $1.6million of the price tag of each plane will be because of research if all 600 are built. Here is where the fun begins, if a senior member in Congress has it in for Acme or just opposes defense spending. Calling it a risky project, they manage to get the contract modified to an initial order of only 300. Now the price tag on each plane jumps by $1.6million because now the contractor is spooked and will try to recoup all that research before the program is cancelled. Now we get screams of cost overruns from Congress and the order is now slashed to only 150, and now $6.4 million per plane is for research costs. And it goes on until the plane is so expensive and has not even flown yet, the whole program is cancelled.
As this battle is fought by the contractor, DoD, and Congress; just think of all those sub-contractors that have been lined up. They have spend money to tool up to produce their contracted parts and they see the production run shrinking, so they have to jack up the price of each part they make to cover their start up costs. Which in turns adds to the cost of each airplane and making it more expensive. As I said its an avalanche effect.
And once the project is dead, Congress will demand an investigation of what went wrong. GAO may even tell them it was their meddling that killed the program, but those in Congress who wanted to kill the program will berate the 'greedy' executives of Acme Aero publicly instead.
Think this is too far fetched to be believable? Just go and look at the F-14D program and the B-2 program. Congress kept changing the purchase rates and numbers bought until neither was affordable in the quantities the Navy and the Air Force wanted. So Naval Air ended up with 72 F-14Ds that were not fully interchangeable with the F-14As and F-14Bs already in the fleet. While the Air Force ended up with nineteen bombers who's price tag rivals that of a whole aircraft carrier for just one plane.
And Congress is trying to do this to the most non-sexy airframe in the Navy inventory, the E-2 Hawkeye AWACs plane. The new E-2D can handle 300% more airspace and detect supersonic cruise missiles. Once the crew finds a target, the Delta is so advanced it can data-link the information to the battle group or a fighter on BAR-CAP. And monitor the following engagement. Congress wants to reduce initial production from three airframes a year to two airframes. You can imagine what will happen next. Suddenly the very successful E-2D will start to look like an albatross and then it will get the cut. Forcing the US Navy to keep flying 30 year old and less capable E-2Cs, thereby endangering thousands of American warriors.
What needs reform is how Congress keeps sticking its hands into DoD matters to the detriment of national defense.
Meanwhile over in Congress, business as usual in killing a needed program trundles on. Defense contractors have gotten cagey about things by spreading out sub-contractor jobs to as many House districts as possible, hence if the program gets cut it will be felt by many in Congress via outraged howls of constituents. In reaction to this, Congress has developed a safe way of killing a program. By mouthing the false piety of being stewards of the public money, these Representatives and Senators hide the shiv they have clutched close to their expensive suits. They will say they are only reducing the initial production run because they are fearful it will be an expensive bust like the A-12.
When they say they are slowing down the initial procurement, it has an avalanche effect upon the whole project. Lets say Acme Aero has a contract to build the replacement for the A-10 and could see a production run of 600. So they spend $1billions in research on the project. Which means about $1.6million of the price tag of each plane will be because of research if all 600 are built. Here is where the fun begins, if a senior member in Congress has it in for Acme or just opposes defense spending. Calling it a risky project, they manage to get the contract modified to an initial order of only 300. Now the price tag on each plane jumps by $1.6million because now the contractor is spooked and will try to recoup all that research before the program is cancelled. Now we get screams of cost overruns from Congress and the order is now slashed to only 150, and now $6.4 million per plane is for research costs. And it goes on until the plane is so expensive and has not even flown yet, the whole program is cancelled.
As this battle is fought by the contractor, DoD, and Congress; just think of all those sub-contractors that have been lined up. They have spend money to tool up to produce their contracted parts and they see the production run shrinking, so they have to jack up the price of each part they make to cover their start up costs. Which in turns adds to the cost of each airplane and making it more expensive. As I said its an avalanche effect.
And once the project is dead, Congress will demand an investigation of what went wrong. GAO may even tell them it was their meddling that killed the program, but those in Congress who wanted to kill the program will berate the 'greedy' executives of Acme Aero publicly instead.
Think this is too far fetched to be believable? Just go and look at the F-14D program and the B-2 program. Congress kept changing the purchase rates and numbers bought until neither was affordable in the quantities the Navy and the Air Force wanted. So Naval Air ended up with 72 F-14Ds that were not fully interchangeable with the F-14As and F-14Bs already in the fleet. While the Air Force ended up with nineteen bombers who's price tag rivals that of a whole aircraft carrier for just one plane.
And Congress is trying to do this to the most non-sexy airframe in the Navy inventory, the E-2 Hawkeye AWACs plane. The new E-2D can handle 300% more airspace and detect supersonic cruise missiles. Once the crew finds a target, the Delta is so advanced it can data-link the information to the battle group or a fighter on BAR-CAP. And monitor the following engagement. Congress wants to reduce initial production from three airframes a year to two airframes. You can imagine what will happen next. Suddenly the very successful E-2D will start to look like an albatross and then it will get the cut. Forcing the US Navy to keep flying 30 year old and less capable E-2Cs, thereby endangering thousands of American warriors.
What needs reform is how Congress keeps sticking its hands into DoD matters to the detriment of national defense.
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