You Have Been Declared Optional

Imagine in the Afterlife there sits Sir Winston Churchill ensconced in a comfortable chair slowly perusing and absorbing a book no longer extent on Earth, a history lost with the third burning of the Library of Alexandria. On a fine Victorian table next to the most august Winston sits a sifter always half full along with several of his favorite cigars.

As Sir Winston reads with rapt attention an account of the Battle of Thermopylae written by an Athenian veteran, a throat is softly cleared to draw him from his studies. Looking up from the Greek words that he now fully understands, Sir Winston notes his visitor, who appears most comely in appearance with just a bit of what some would call fey laying softly on the features.

Without further prompting from Sir Winston, the paige offers up an archaic looking telegram. The voice is just as ethereal as the visage and of a pleasing note. "Sir Winston, we thought you might wish to be informed of some matters on Earth directly relating to you."

Sir Winston takes the telegram in a beefy hand and starts to read, furrows form on his forehead as he struggles to comprehend what is written in the telegram. Even though it is written in the Queen's own English, Sir Winston finds it difficult to understand the message's import. Then he does understand and his colour becomes a most alarming red as he balls into a crumpled mass the telegram and tosses it into a wastebasket.

Erupting from the chair with a vigor contrasting markedly to his aged appearance, the Sir Winston of old emerges full of all of his oratory skills. He walks briskly out of his private study while giving verbal vent to his feelings.

"Never has so much been robbed from so many by so few than by this."

The paige plucks from the wastebasket the offending message, smooths out the crumbled paper, and reads the words that have set off the great Sir Winston Churchill.

To: Sir Winston Churchill
From: Qualifications and Curriculum Authority
Subject: Revisions to Curriculum

In order to modernise and streamline the curricula for 11 to 14 year old children, in consultation with experts in the various fields, certain items have been dropped or labeled as optional in the teaching of these various subjects.

In the science curricula, more time will be allocated to studying current issues such as genetically modified food and the perils involved with the improper use of drugs such as alcohol and cannabis.

The mathematics curricula will be similarly overhauled to make it more relevant. More emphasis will be placed on how to figure credit card interest rates and personal finance while algebra, linear equations, and ratios will continue to be taught.

History will be similarly modified from present syllabus. Whilst both World Wars will be taught along with other key events and figures crucial to understanding history, some items will be dropped or made optional to allow teachers enough time to address more recent events such as the threat of global warming.

It is because of the revisions in the history curricula that you are receiving this message. Along with Joseph Stalin, Adolph Hitler, and Mahatma Gandhi, your part in the weave of English history has been re-classified as optional.

Yours most sincerely,
Ed Balls, Schools Secretary

Scanning it once more, the paige merely nods before tucking it away in a pocket. "Yes we knew this would set him off."

Hat-tip: Michelle Malkin.
Sources:The Sun Online.
ABC News Australia